Ways to Achieve Forgiveness in Life

by | Jul 25, 2020 | Life

In a world where people believe in ‘An Eye for an Eye,’ taking revenge seems easier and brings more satisfaction, but it takes courage and strength to Forgive someone. The need for retaliation poisons our mind, and if we take a break from planning to take revenge, and think about the benefits of forgiving others, we become happier, and joy knocks our door.

A good relationship has two things- Love and Forgiveness. Forgiveness is a voluntary action to let go of the feeling of anger, bitterness, vengeance towards someone who has hurt you. It is a conscious decision to subdue negative emotions. Forgiveness is when a person gives up his right to hurt you for hurting them.

Do you ever regret fighting with someone and holding on to grudges for long and wasting the valuable time that you could have instead spent together? Everyone has flaws. Everyone tends to make mistakes, which leads to disagreements, fights, sorrow, etc. Life is too short to continue holding on to regrets as later, and these petty issues do not even matter in life. Therefore, one should learn to forgive quickly.


We cannot even decipher the healing power of forgiveness. It depends on us whether you decide whether to let go of the person or let go of the situation that makes us angry. Sometimes, it is the greatest challenge to forgive. It might take time and might require a sense of compassion that we feel the other person does not deserve, but we deserve that solace. So, forgive because it is the attribute of the strong and not the weak.

What does Forgiveness not mean?

When one forgives, it does not mean that:

  • They forget what is done to them. 
  • They accept the wrongful acts of others.
  • It gives the other person a room to hurt them again. 
  • They are obligated to resolve differences with the person.
Sorry Note
Sorry Note

Why should we Practice Forgiveness?

Whenever you are angry, you cannot let the feeling fade away within seconds with someone’s apology. But always question yourself- that Is the anger worth it? Will this feeling hurt you or bring you peace? What matters more- relationship with the person or your temper? You can either be harsh or let it go. Forgiveness is a choice. If you exercise it, you can reap the following benefits-

  • Restores positive thinking
  • Eliminates negativity and depression
  • Reduces anxiety, stress, and blood pressure
  • Boosts Self-esteem
  • Reinstates relationships
  • Enhanced conflict management skills
  • Earns respect from others
  • Attains Inner peace and becomes happier

Ways to Forgiveness?

  • Take time to act on your anger and resentment about what happened and communicate about what you felt terrible. Practice anger management to soothe your mind. 
  • Think through the Pros and Cons– Question your inner self- if you do not forgive, how will it impact your happiness, relationship with the person/ with others, problems the pain can cause, your work/ family/ you from becoming a better person.? And then think of the benefits of forgiveness i.e., how it makes you happier; free you from the pain and the past; improve your relationships.
  • Commit yourself to Let go – Holding on to anger is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die. Try to forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace by letting go because it means to give something up for yourself and not for them. It takes time to get over something. Don’t rush to do that instantaneously. But commit yourself to change and let go because the pain hurts you more than it hurts others. 
  • Enlarge your perspective & Empathize– Rise above your self-centered story and step into the other person’s shoes and recognize what the other person might be going through. Try to understand why the other person did this, what he could have been thinking, what he could have felt, and how he felt afterward? Just because they did something wrong, don’t forget all the things they did right.
  • Conquer the Suffering– We often focus more on the wounds and let ourselves be carried away by “what happened to me.” Even if it was horrible and has taken away everything, you can only defeat it by not letting it destroy your joy and peace. 
Forgive Yourself
Forgive Yourself
  • Realize you have a choice– You cannot control other’s actions, but you can control yours and your thoughts. You can choose to move on. Don’t let your emotional baggage take control over you and pull you down from exercising this choice.
  • Take responsibility– You cannot clap single-handedly. Don’t perceive yourself as the victim, rather understand your role in that situation. Try to figure out how you could be partially responsible for being in this situation. What could you have done to avert it now and in the future? Seek peace and understanding by blaming people less and taking offenses less personally. 
  • Focus on the present– It is vital to find happiness in life as it happens. You cannot move back in time to fix your mistakes. So, stop reflecting on the past as it causes unhappiness and stress. Instead, learn from them, look for beauty, love, and kindness around you. Bring your focus back to the present. Amend the way you look at the past to remind yourself of your heroic choice to forgive. Forgiveness enlarges the future than changing the past.
  • Allow peace to enter your life– As you focus on the present, try to focus on your breathing. Imagine that pain and past are getting released from your body and mind with each breath going out. And imagine peace filling you up with each breath coming in. 
  • Feel compassion and Forgive– It may take time but let the love for them grow in your heart. Ask yourself- what is the best thing you can do for both of you? Is it having a conversation to resolve or getting a neutral opinion of the third person or creating some space for a while to cool down or amending the way you think? Finally, forgive them and learn that in forgiveness, as you move on, you allow yourself to be happy.

Golden Rules to Cultivate Forgiving Attitude

You can steer through the storms in your life by fostering an attitude of forgiveness-

  • Forgive for minor offenses and hold no grudges by the time you hit your bed at the end of every day.
  • If you have a laundry list of unresolved grievances, consider one at a time and forgive those involved.
  • Even when you have bruised pride, Don’t wait for an apology to forgive. Remember the time someone else forgave you. Bear with the faults of others, as someday you would have them bear with yours.
  • Once forgiven, Don’t allow your mind to brood over previously overlooked offences as there is a risk of bitterness knocking your door a second time. 
Thank You...
Thank You…

Remembering a wrong is an enormous burden on the mind. So, always forgive your enemies as nothing is more annoying to them. Forgiveness is the process where we disarm our opponent with patience and remember that making peace is the greatest revenge you can take. Don’t let an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation govern your life. Practice forgiveness as it gives you another chance to make a new beginning!! 

Dr. Bob Singhal

Professor Bhupendra 'Bob' Singhal, has taught creativity by joy and right-brain thinking, is a renowned international architect, won major design competitions, has over 70 awards, publications, and media mentions, and served as President of the American Institute of Architects South Bay. In 2011, in his book Joy in Health and Happiness: Your Optimal Path to Success, Professor Singhal wrote about the transformative power of joy and helped readers learn to enhance their daily experience of it.


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